Banned from Wal Mart

BANNED FROM WAL-MART...

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WAL-MART. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local WAL-MART:

Dear Mrs. Tait,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Tait are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1... June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Consumed a 6 pack of beer while following you around the store.

4 July 19: ?Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13.. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14.. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! ?IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least...

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Sincerely,
Wal-Mart

The Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped outof a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on hisbrakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of theother car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was
really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost
ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the
Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run aroundfull of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of
disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it andsometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile,wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it toother people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks
takeover their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with
regrets,so...Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't. Lifeis ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

So I am wishing you a garbage-free day!

Yeah! it's Monday

For a fresh perspective on an otherwise dreaded day of the week click on the link:

http://www.thankgoodnessitsmonday.com/video/tgim.html