A 7 year old with these moves?

Cell phone etiquette

Don’t be a cell phone Jackass

Waiting in line recently at a local coffeehouse I was blown away by the absolute arrogance of a young woman standing two or three places ahead of me.

She had already irritated everyone within earshot by conducting a very animated cell-phone conversation in her singsong, Valley girl, yuppie voice. But now it was her turn to order and the cafe's irritation turned to cold fury as she impatiently waved off the barista to complete her thought (which no doubt required a herculean effort). Alas for young Brie, or whatever her name was, she picked the wrong guy to trifle with. Our barista tossed her out of line and took the next person's order. She huffed off, still tethered to her phone, to our general delight.

Today, we consider the mobile phone. More than the personal computer and, now, the iPod, this is the technology that even the most technophobic of cats is likeliest to possess. In other words, they're all over the place. It's understood why people use cell phones. What we're concerned with here is how they use 'em.

Too often the answer is "rudely." Yeah, "rude cell-phone user" has been done to death over the years. But these columns keep getting written for a reason: There are still far too many thoughtless idiots out there. So let's try it again.

Not everyone who uses a cell phone is as willfully thoughtless as our friend Brie. But the level of rudeness isn't the issue. It's the mere fact of rudeness itself -- that's the issue.

Mobile phones have helped to make a crass and vulgar society even crasser and more vulgar. Portability makes it possible for anyone to take a private conversation public and that's never a good idea. In its way, some moron babbling into a cell phone is as obtrusive and obnoxious as the idiot who plays his car stereo at full throttle next to you at the stop light.

Look, you are not the King of the World nor is the world your personal playground. Do not share with us your musical tastes, lunch choice, or your recent sexual escapade and your latest wheeling’s and dealings. In public places, you have an obligation to hold up your end of the implied social contract by not imposing yourself and your stink on those around you. This is crucial to a civilized society and just because technology allows you to act like a braying ass in public doesn't mean you should do it. Quite the contrary, in fact, you need to be more aware of your surroundings than ever. Peace out and cell phones on vibrate please…

The Twelve Steps of Obama Anonymous

By Peggy Shapiro

The twelve steps forObamamania recovery 

1. We admitted we were powerless over hisappealing auraand that our lives and our nation had become unmanageable. 

2. We came to believe that powers such as democracy, liberty, loyalty to nation, and independence weregreater than personal charm andempty promisesand could restore us to sanity. 

3. We made a decision to turn away our will and lives from the false messiah as we understood him.  

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of the shallow reasons for voting for him. 

5. We admitted to ourselves and to friends and family members (who had serious concerns about an inexperienced person with shameful associates being qualified for the most important position in the nation) the exact nature of our wrongs. 

6. We were entirely ready to read the Constitution and learn more about the Founding Fathers and the principles of this nation in order to remove these defects from our character. 

7. We cleared our thinking so that we neither discounted associations with rabid anti-Semites nor foundconvoluted rationalizations for such associations convincing.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed (people who use banks, people who drive cars, people who might get sick and die in a nation with a single medical provider, Israelis who are left to fend for themselves against the murderous intentions of the Iranian regime, the Iranian protestors whose cries we ignored, Muslim women, whose abusers we protected in the name of cultural diversity,bloggers who were reported to the authorities for contradicting the official White House position. Radio talk-show hosts whose criticismswere silenced by the "Fairness Law."The list is too long to complete.)and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. We spoke up at town hall meetings to protect our rights as Americans. We lobbied our senators and representatives for legislation that would re-strengthen the almost severed ties between Israel and the U.S. We were relentless in our demands that this nation not blame Israel for the lack of peace in the Middle East, but put the full force of our power on Tehran which threatened the existence of the Jewish State of Israel. We insisted that our elected officials and media not appease our enemies by refusing to even name them and undermine the security of our country and the world by expressing more concern for terrorists than for their victims.

10. We continued to take personal inventory, read the Weekly Standard andthe American Thinkerand watch Fox News to keep ourselves from succumbing to the pandering, paid for propagandists that make up much of the major media. We volunteered to help and financially supported candidates who had a strong record of upholding the best interests of the U.S. and its allies. We applied facts and reasoning to the comedic outbursts of Bill Maher, Al Frankin and Nancy Pelosi and when they were wrong, we promptly admitted it.

11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our spiritual contact with God, as we understood Him/Her, praying only for wisdom to stop dismissing those with strong religious affiliations as "kooks" and start showing respect for the Judeo-Christian underpinnings of our nation's success.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to Obamamaniacs, and to practice these principles in all our affairs so that the United States of America could survive until the next election.

A friend suggested a perfect meeting place for these OA (Obama Anonymous) groups--reform synagogues, liberal churches (eg, Unitarian), community centers in liberal 'hoods, eg Upper West Side, Chicago's North Shore, just about anywhere in Massachusetts and the San Francisco Bay area.

A letter to Seniors from the Health Care Industry

I’m Blurring…and melting …

 

You should be cautious about knowing who I am. It irks me. To be known. It's f*#king impolite. To think you know someone. As if a someone is just so. "I know you!" Oh do you now? How about now? And what about now?....Now?

You should be wary of names and photographs. They are liars. They freeze what wants to melt and change.

I have stared long into mirrors. I don't know me. Why should you? I don't pound out letters to find myself. Let's burn that mother down. I am not some butterfly pinned to a science project or some stuffed Jackalope nailed to the wall in some obscure gin mill stared at by drunks at the bar.

How do you get from moment to moment? Focus now. Shit. You missed it. You have to watch. Have you ever watched yourself from here to there? Focus hard enough and things get blurry.

A self is a product of blurred distinctions. But what of that blur? That's where it's at. You think you're some thing but you're not. You're a bomb.

Relax. I will lighten up. There will be more jokes. Laughter is the best kind of melting. I’m just having a moment.